Happy birthday @randomlyopeneddictionary​!! I was planning to draw for you at first, but then I saw @drrockbell‘s beautiful (and sad) fic and decided that I wanted to write down Ed’s thoughts as well. And since I know you like LCMTI, I thought why not. I imagine Ed wrote this letter right after the events of chapter 16,  but he wasn’t actually going to give it to Winry (hence why the language he wouldn’t use otherwise). How she will learn to know about it, though, will probably be a story for another time 😉 Stay tuned and R&R (read and review, not rest&relax) because some encouragement would be much needed.

Words: 930+

Warnings: probs a couple of swear words because Ed is Ed.

Genre: fluff

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Winry,

Words have
always been difficult to me.

Even though
you already know my darkest secrets, there’s still so much I haven’t told you.
I wish I could say these things out loud, but every time I try, the words… they
get stuck in my throat. That’s why I’m writing this letter, because writing my
thoughts on this paper, I have time to consider how to express myself without
making myself an idiot or saying something I might regret soon. Well, I guess I’m
still an idiot, but hopefully an idiot you like? Even though I don’t quite
understand why.

OK, on to
the actual topic of this letter, I guess. Before the Olympics, I was in a bad
place. This is probably a cliched expression, but I was alone in a locker room
full of people, and only a couple of people (mostly: Al) managed to break
through that invisible barrier that I had created. My dad tried, my teammates
tried, many girls who just cared about my hockey player status tried. I don’t
know why I just said that, but I guess I want to be honest with you. I didn’t
understand why I didn’t like any of them, even before finding out how shallow
some of them were, but now I know. They weren’t you.

When was
the first moment I realized you were someone I should keep in my life? It was as
early as when I showed you my automail for the first time and noticed you were excited. I had never, ever seen such
reaction before. Believe it or not, many seem to find it intimidating, scary,
but you were fascinated by it. It was then I knew that you weren’t like those
others.

And even
though I acted like an idiot during and after the hotel room incident, you didn’t
give up. You forgave me and were ready to start from a clean slate. You
encouraged me to talk, and somehow, even though I didn’t really even know you
yet, I felt like I could talk to you. You probably don’t notice it yourself,
but you radiate the kind of calmness and kindness and patience that makes it
easy to open up to you.

I’m gonna
be honest with you: the accident played a big part in me speaking my mind.
Hockey is one of the most important things in my life, because when I’m on the
ice, I can just focus on the moment and ignore for the rest of the world until
the game ends. I had been looking forward to this tournament for at least two
years, ever since I got the first hints that I might be chosen to the team. When
I found out I would be playing, I felt happier than I had felt for years. You know
what happened then. I found myself at the hospital, with a broken leg and a
note that I would not be playing for several months. Hell, I felt so angry and
frustrated that I nearly broke my other leg as well by kicking it against the end
of my bed too hard. And then you showed up and I was just ready to explode.

Even though
I just said the accident played a role in my outburst, I need you to know that
Al is the only person to whom I’ve talked about Nina before you. Yeah, some of
my teammates know about that incident, but only because Roy was the first
person to come to Tucker’s apartment after… everything, and he told them
about it. What I’m trying to say is that even though the situation was what it
was, I don’t just go around talking about my stuff to everyone who walks past
me. That means I already considered you someone special when I opened up.

And then I
learned to know more about you. You organized that awesome party (by the way, I
still can’t believe someone would do that to me) and when we talked that night, I realized
you understood me better than I thought was possible. You had gone through bad
things… and endured. Gotten even stronger. To that day I wasn’t sure I would
ever be able to do the same, but then I knew it was possible. And it was you
who made me feel that way.

I can’t
believe I’m writing this, but… I feel I’ve scratched only the surface of what I
feel about you so far. One thing I really like about you, though, is your
smile. It was the first thing I noticed when I saw you skating at the practice
arena, and it was the last thing I saw before you left the room this morning.
It’s… I don’t know another word for it, so let me use this: beautiful. It’s so
determined and full of hope, two things that I really appreciate. And when you
smile, your eyes shine in a way that makes my heart skip a beat. It makes me
want to… OK, I’m /not/ going to write that down, this letter is already cheesy
enough, but it’s one of those things that we haven’t done yet. Even though we
almost have several times. But I swore I wouldn’t let myself do that until… you know. I think this letter is a proof I’m getting closer to that point.

I could
continue longer, but Al is waiting, so I should stop writing. Just know that somehow, you have managed to break my shell even though I’ve tried to rebuild it so hard.
But I’m not gonna do that anymore. It’s still too early, and besides, you need
to focus on your competition, but one day, I hope I’ll be able to be brave
enough to tell you this: I’m falling for you too.